Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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