Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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