I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize