Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
