i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
