So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
