...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have fence marks all over my body
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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