I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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