Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The best revenge is premature balding
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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