Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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