I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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