I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize