This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
