I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
