HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
