Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
