Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize