You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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