hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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