Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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