Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
