my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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