I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
