I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
