I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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