Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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