Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize