Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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