I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
