found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
