Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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