I could make wine with my vomit
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
