Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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