my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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