I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
