I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
