if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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