Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
