Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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