you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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