you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
