when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
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Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
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I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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