I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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