yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
