I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
