Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My vagina is officially offended.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
