Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just tell him i said nine months
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
