Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
