Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He told me they were just razor bumps!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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