I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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