he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
