woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
