Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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