i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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