how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
