So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
