Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
