Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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