I can tuck mytits in my pants
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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