Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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