Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
