just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
