from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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