remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
