Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
