I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
