i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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