It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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