I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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