Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
