quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
