I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My bed smells like the plague
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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