jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
A bitchslap is in order.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
