I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
