Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
