walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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