So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
