I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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