it hurts more in the daytime
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
