There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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