Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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