i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
there was a trapeze. enough said
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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