Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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