Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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