Where are you?
In a non slutty way
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize